If there is one thing I have realized in my life, it is that you have to pick your battles. Big, small, medium... all of 'em. Which really sucks some times because you sure as hell aren't going to win them all... not even close and if your anything like me you are always right....... (; You need a good case, time to think and a well thought out plan. You have to anticipate what the "enemy" will do and say before you go into it and be ready with a counter attack. The "enemy," so to speak, is very very sneaky. When you bust in with a good strategy, they have this uncanny way of derailing the battle if they are not strong enough to win themselves with something like, "hey, YOU didn't act like you were mad." Or, "baby, do you need help with that?" Or, "Oh my gosh baby, our friend Ted, jezzz, did you hear what he did to Beth?!?! Awful, so glad we're not in that boat." Hahaha yeah... that's a good one. You know what I'm talking about. Those distractions of flattery or pitty or, AHH!!! LOOK OVER THERE, NOT OVER HERE!!!
This my friends.... is a relationship with an ADDICT. They always have something or someone to blame or point at to take the shine off of themselves. Some... Oh sooo "legit" reasoning for all that they do. They will always be an addict. Period. Even if they are lucky enough to be sober. Still an addict. Oh, and! Ha, sorry to tell ya, sober doesn't mean all of the addict tendencies stop. They never stop because that is who they are. "Addict" is a personality trait. Doesn't always mean drugs or aolchol. Just because they quit using drugs doesn't mean they just automatically become un depressed, un manipulative, un lazy, and they just grow this awesomely fan-fucking-tactic set of coping skills. It takes years for them to learn how to live a normal life again and not be a shit-tacular waist of space. This, although I find it to be extremely frustrating at times, is where choosing your battles comes in. Which is extremely difficult fo me. I just feel like, well okay, your sober for 4 years, when the hell is my life supose to be that awesome shit every ones always talking about. I feel like saying what??? You want a freakin cookie for doing the right thing?!?! Wait ta go ass hole, I have to do the right thing on a daily fucking basis. But that won't work... it just won't.
It takes constant encouragement, happy faces even when some times your not, strick boundaries with extra cushiony walls and bumper pads, the realization that it's a lot less about you than you think, sucking it up, strong mental stability and reassurance in your own mind, love, empathy, the will to fight for what is good and could be, the will to wait and knowing your shit. Not all of us have it... (what it takes to be with a recovering addict) And thats to be expected I think. Hell, I'm not even sure on some days if I have what it takes to be the women who can stick by the side of a recovering addict. It's so insanely hard and hurtful at times. But for now I'm doing my best to help my addict stay in line. I'm doing my best to see all the awesome places he does try. I'm trying to recognize all the positive changes he has made in 4 years. I remember how lucky I am that he is so faithful to me and how much I do know that he loves me. It's harder some days than others but I will say I love him and I'm not ready to give up on the man I've seen him be. So for now, I'll just continue to choose my battles....... and do lots of deep breathing and cussing under my breath.
